Another school year

The summer, thankfully, went fairly quickly.  It is a difficult time of year because normal routines are thrown to the wind and for those with transition issues, it can be very hard.

Fortunately, Ryan's therapeutic school had a fairly long summer program, and that was helpful.  His time home was pretty unproductive, largely chaotic and not much fun, for him or us.  Meds are working well on positive symptoms, but boredom, frustration tolerance, self-awareness, motivation, transitions, anxiety, cognitive ability and self-esteem are untouched.  Now that back to school routine is beginning, anxiety is at an all time high and we are hopefully in a period that will stabilize quickly.

Aidan, unfortunately, has not been as lucky.  The school district wants to ignore all of his diagnoses and blame them on me.  They will not acknowledge his difficulty, even though they know he has been seen by many professionals.  Insisting that he see an "independent" psychiatrist for another evaluation is as much as they will allow at this point.  Even with a lawyer, that is the most we could get at this time, despite his many difficulties and 5 hospitalizations.  They even went so far as to tell me that he would have done better in school, but I "hospitalized" him and that's why he missed so much.  It is very painful to know how ignorant most of the people involved in this process are.  You cannot just "hospitalize" a child, like taking them to the emergency room.  In every instance, a child must be assessed by the intake department (for those on Medicaid, as we are at this time, a child has to be assessed also by the county, so actually two independent assessments) and then approved by the psychiatrist.  To say that it is "me" doing the hospitalizing is completely ridiculous.

It is sad to know that we are not alone, either.  Many of the people I have met along this journey are struggling with the system as well.  Not being able to get services for those with mental illness is a terrible burden.  I feel for all those poor families that struggle to get the help they need for their kids, siblings or parents.

Moving Forward

The beginning of 2012 has been interesting.  Since January, my oldest has been in a therapeutic day school.  It is somewhat successful, but home is still very difficult.  I appreciate very much the people caring for him at the day school because for Ryan to be as successful as he is there, is quite remarkable.  I am happy that he is finally beginning to see some bits of happiness for himself, I hope that it continues to grow.

I just received my seven year old son's neuropsych testing back.  It is the same story, same progression as my oldest.  I am always trying to keep in the forefront of my mind that, "There is a reason."  I may not know what that reason is, but, hopefully, I can gather strength and forge ahead.  Life is DIFFICULT.

I am proud of the many strides I have seen my daughter make with accepting her brothers' illnesses.  I am thankful that they can begin to appreciate that she is truly an angel in their life.

When things get hard, I am always trying to remain faithful.  I look at the steps I have made in understanding and practice, to help my children cope, grow and be comforted.  I struggle, every day.  But, every day, I come back for more.  That is life; Fall down, get back up.  I am grateful that God helps me get up every day.

Sometimes, the blessings are the simple things, and they are enough.  They have to be.